My attention span is less than 15 seconds.

If what you’re saying isn’t going to help me do something awesome that will make my life better immediately then it’s a waste of my time or I better have a beer in my hand.

That’s just me… but I imagine a lot of people aren’t interested in wasting time screwing around and learning the old way, through PERSONAL trial and error.

But guess what. You don’t have to! Because if you aren’t hearing what you need to you can click a button on your computer and read/watch/mentally ingest something else!

Well I know that. That’s why I’m going to tell you exactly what I’d teach a guy if he asked me this often asked (and very intelligent) question:
“What is the BIGGEST mistake you see guys making with women… and how do I do the OPPOSITE?”

Well! The first part is pretty simple. The second part of that question could be a book! In fact, it IS a book!

(*insert shameless obligatory book plug here*)

So… What is the BIGGEST mistake I see guys make when chatting up women?

The answer: “Turning Their Chest Toward A Woman When They’ve Just Met Her.”

You might be thinking… “WTF does that mean?”

And I’ll tell you. In the beginning of an interaction with a woman, there are a lot of things that are going through both the guy’s head (upper) and the girl’s head.

From the guy’s perspective most guys are thinking, deep, deep down, “I hope she doesn’t reject me right here in front of everyone.”

But what they should be thinking is, “What would I be thinking if I were her?”

The truth is, most of us are so inside our own heads hoping to NOT be flat out slapped for saying, “Hi, I’m so-and-so.” Well, in my 6 years of being a professional dating coach and in my 8 years of full time study/practice/screw ups, I can tell you that I’ve never once been slapped in the face. Kind of bummed to say that! Because I really pushed my limits as much as I could. Hell, I’ve walked up to some girls I didn’t know and said, “You’re hot. I’m hot. Let’s get together and have hot babies.” before and all I got was either a laugh and funny look or a laugh and a smile/”who are you?”

So, what’s so important about NOT facing someone with your chest then? Well, women are thinking something a little different from guys in a bar. Most of them aren’t worried about being rejected (at least not by anyone who looks like me).

They’re afraid that you’re going to be 2 things:

A) Creepy

and

B) Creepy and standing there talking to her for an incalculable eon while every attractive and confident man walks by and thinks that she’s unavailable and doesn’t talk to her for the rest of the night after she’s finally given you the slip.

Quite a different internal monologue going on that the one we are used to as men! But the reason why this is so different is partly due to Gender Roles and partly due to what are called our “Mechanisms.”

Most men measure their success, and other men’s success with women by how easy it is for them to approach an attractive woman they don’t know.

This is called the “Approach Mechanism.”

But women don’t have this! Instead, they’ve got something that serves their purposes a bit more. It’s called a “Filter Mechanism.”

What this means is that most men feel it’s necessary, and their greatest discomfort/fear/nightmare is, to approach attractive women. Period.

And most women want to be able to tell the difference between a douchebag who is approaching her and an awesome/ACTUALLY attractive man that is approaching her.

Problem is, most women don’t know how to filter out the actually weak men because the weak men of the world have plenty of time on their hands and they have figured out how to fake most of the qualities that women are trying to find in a man.

Sucks, but it’s true.

And most women are left to rationalize why he has NO REASON to be so insecure.

“Well he shouldn’t be so jealous, he owns a bar!’

“He sure is insecure for a guy who I just saw on stage.”

And my personal favorite,

“He was SO sweet before I slept with him!”

Yeah… There’s a reason why he was.

So, what does all of this have to do with NOT turning your chest toward a woman? Well, in the beginning of an interaction we subconsciously know, even if we don’t act like it, that people aren’t to be trusted. During what Malcolm Gladwell would call our “blink decision” (the moment we see someone/something for the first time) we take in all of the body language cues we can and ignore almost everything else. Women know to trust  man’s body language for a source of truth.

When you face s woman directly with your body when you’ve just met her you’re saying something horrible with your body language. You’re saying, “Hey, first off let’s me say that I really want you to like me. I also don’t believe you’re going to. So I’m going to make it very clear that I want what you have under your clothes. That way if you’re feeling drunk/slutty/desperate enough, and since I’m wearing you down by hogging all of your attention and taking away all of your other options here, you’ll HAVE to take me home with you and my friends will see it happen… which is really important to me. So, what do you think??”

Well that might be what’s going on in your head and I’m not one to tell you what’s right or wrong but… it’s wrong.

Women would actually much rather that you said that OUT LOUD.

I know it’s not one of the best pick up lines in the universe…

But it’s at least HONEST.

But I’ve got a bold and absolutely true statement for you:

Pick Up Lines Don’t Work.

Body Language Does.

So what do you do instead of facing a girl directly? Well… let me tell you.

Because, as men, we tend to realize that the stage right before we’re getting laid is when we’re zoned in to solid rapport and it seems like you’re the only guy in the world she’s thinking about, we try to JUMP STRAIGHT THERE so we can get to the “ass getting stage” faster. You’ll face her completely with your body. You’ll talk to her about prying personal topics that still allow you to stay protected and safe. You’ll buy her a drink and ask her if she wants to go someplace else. But hey, it doesn’t work. I don’t care what they show you in the movies.

What DOES work is this:

In the very beginning, no matter how hot she is, never face her directly with your body as you’re talking. It may take you a little while to get used to this and you may be awkward at first, but it’s completely worth it. Instead, try to face her so that your shoulders and hers make no more than a 90 degree angle if viewed aerially… Ok that’s a little complex…

- Stand Like This -

Keep an eye on how much you’re leaning in to her when you talk. I don’t care if you can’t hear her. Have her lean toward YOU instead. And if you’re afraid she can’t hear you, speak up, jackass! (said lovingly as I’ve had all of these problems myself to a romantically debilitating extent)

Don’t have a real conversation unless you’re trying to NOT attract her very much. Jumping straight to the content part of the interaction is, again, trying to get to the connection stage too soon. It projects neediness. Neediness = no attraction. No attraction = no social life. No social life = World of Warcraft for the next 16 hours straight… I think… Instead of having a real conversation, use banter lines to have a sort of super light-hearted conversation while you smile and hint at how arrogant you are (remember… this is done in a JOKING MANNER… if you’re serious then it’ll blow up in your face like a cartoon cigar).

That’s it! If you want to know more about Banter Lines, and which ones work, body language women find attractive, gender roles, and confidence, grab a copy of my new book, “The Tao of Badass” – You can get some free instructional videos by clicking the “Get Free Videos” button at the top right of this page.

Try this shit out. It works. I’ve been teaching it for many years.

Your brother from another mother,

Joshua Pellicer

This isn’t magical or some blog voodoo that will -trick- Google into thinking your site is worth a crap. But it WILL help you build a business online from the ground up with a ton of free traffic that will keep on coming to your site.

I shot a video for my next product and I decided to release it early to you as a bonus.

Check it out!

I’ve used this process several times. It’s awesome and it works.

BUT I have to say that it’s not 100% fool-proof and there are a ton of other factors that play into getting your site up on Google.

That being said, and all other things being equal, you’ll have a kick ass head start with this!

Enjoy and Share the Love,

Joshua

PS. Comment below if you have any questions… And I’m sure you do

Most of the time I was looking for patterns. Patterns in what made someone more intelligent. Patterns in what made a good writer (still working on that one). Patterns in what made a woman attracted to a man. Basically anything that frustrated me that I couldn’t do on my own I’d deconstruct and make it work FOR me.

I guess I got most famous for my study of what made women attracted to men. I built a huge company and taught everyone in it. I had an empire that I built on top of my skill at modeling what worked in other people. I was quickly one of the best dating coaches in the country (and one of the youngest, which annoyed a lot of people).

But if there’s one thing more frustrating than trying to be a professional dating coach, it’s getting people in the world to listen to you. You might be thinking, “I know I have a lot to offer, it’s just a matter of convincing everyone else to understand that and accept it my advice (this might sound familiar).”

But one sure-fire way to make sure people take you seriously is to write a book. After all, if you are REALLY that knowledgeable, writing about what you know should be easy.

But if you’ve ever tried to do it you find out real quickly that it’s not only not easy.. it’s damn near impossible to finish! I have enough unfinished books to fill a hard drive.

So, being the skill-hacker that I am, I broke down how to write a book and made a system out of it. My system was good at first. I could write an entire book without actually writing a word. I mean, it was my material, I just had someone else write it down.

Sound weird? It was at first. But my system allowed me to create a perfectly unique piece of content (like this blog post for example), without writing anything down myself.

That was mind blowing to me. But it took about a month to complete. After several months of doing this for different books, writing for all different kinds of companies and people, I finally figured out a simple way to shorten that time down to 2 weeks.

Here’s how I do it:

Step 1: Preparation & Hiring

Most people sit down to write a book and they start by thinking “Well, I’ll just start from the beginning,” and they start typing away. DO NOT DO THIS. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re in no hurry to finish your book this can be fine. and if you find it therapeutic to tack at your computer for hours then… well, then you’re awesome and I might hire you at some point. But I’m usually in a hurry to get my books out and I want them to be very very high quality.

So for this first step you’ll be preparing yourself to create your masterpiece. First, know that you’ll need about 3 days of pure comfort and spoiling. If you’re stressed out your quality of work will drop like an iphone call (yeah… I went there). So plan on taking a few days where you can be uninterrupted for your main creating process.

Then begin posting jobs on a hiring website, I use Elance.com but there are others, and you’ll be looking for the following jobs:

1: A Transcription Service – $0.60 to $1.00 per minute- Always send them all a 5 minute sample and have them transcribe it with their proposal. It’s the best way to make sure they’re what you’re looking for.

2: A Ghost Writer or Editor – $300 to $500 -  A Ghost Writer and an editor will do the same job here. But Ghost Writers tend to do better work because they have a hand in the creative aspect of the writing process. Look for someone with a passion about your subject. Even if they lack experience you’ll find that they do a better job than most.

3: A Formatter/Ebook Designer – $200 to $400 – Your Formatter is the person who will design the word document that you have when you’re finished writing and make it into a high value ebook. The monetary value of a word doc is about $0.50 to $7.00. But an Ebook is worth anywhere between $19 and $297, depending on your subject. It’ll be worth the investment to make it look sharp.

4 (OPTIONAL): An Illustrator – $400 to $800 – Not necessary but will help to increase customer satisfaction quite a great deal. It’s worth it in my opinion.

Step 2: Mind Mapping Madness

We were all taught how to mind map in 2nd or 3rd grade. Draw a bubble in the middle of a piece of paper and then expand on it with other bubbles. Well that’s great, for 2nd grade. But now we need something more directing. One program I use the hell out of is called Curio. Download A Free Trial Here. It’s a mind mapping software for the Mac. If you have a PC, no worries. You can get the PC equivalent. It’s called Mind Jet. You Can Buy It Here.

Now what you want to do is type in your major subject for your book in the center of the mind map and then think of the top 7 (at minimum) major parts that you could break that subject into and make them new bubbles attached to that center bubble.

Here’s an example:

Once you’ve done that, break each of those outside bubbles into 4 parts. They are – WHY, WHAT, HOW TO, and EXAMPLES.

Then just answer those questions in order and expand on them as best you can.

I’ll have more on this process later but it’s too long to put in here. If you hate mind mapping or don’t think well  when you look at the intimidating spider web of ideas, then you can do the same process as an outline vertically on a piece of paper or a word document.

After you’re done, add a new major bubble (like the blue ones above) called Intro and another called Outro or Conclusion. Expand on them as much as you can. Intro is a brief introduction of every chapter in the book and WHY, WHAT, HOW TO, and EXAMPLES on how to read the book/why they should read it, etc. The Conclusion is a wrap up of the major points (details) in each chapter. and your closing statement.

Step 3: Recording

Now you’re going to want to organize your mind map/outline in order from Intro to Conclusion and make sure the major bubbles that are attached to your main idea (the blue ones above) are in the order you’d like to mention them in the book. Each major bubble like this will be a chapter in your book. Is it starting to make sense?

Then you’re going to record yourself talking about each major bubble IN ORDER. When you’re finished with each chapter recording, you’re going to stop the recording and start a completely new and fresh one. Talk about each point from the center of the mind map outward and stay on course. Don’t get distracted.

It’s important to note that as you record you’ll need to edit as you go. I generally don’t condone editing as you go. But in this case it serves a great purpose. Make sure there are no disruptions to your recording and no noises in the background. After you’re done with this recording you’ll have your audio book already completed. Of course, it’ll be a loose version of it. So you might have to call it your “Unabridged Audio Book with Author’s Commentary” just to be honest or you might get people who think they can listen to it as they read your book. And if they try they’ll have a hell of a time.

Step 4: Transcribing, Expanding, & Proofing

After you’ve finished recording all of the audio, you’ll need to send it to the Transcription Service that you hired  on Elance.com or from where ever you decided to hire them. I usually upload my audio to my Amazon S3 Account. If you don’t have one, get one through EZS3. It’s a service that supports you and manages your large files online. After they’ve gotten it they should be able to turn it around into a document in less than 3 days. Make sure your audio files go out to them number 1 through 9 etc. so they get transcribed and returned in the proper order.

For the three days that your audio is getting transcribed you’ll be able to do whatever you need to. I suggest preparing your sales pages and promotional material. I’ll go into that more in depth with a product I’ve created that goes into depth on all of this process and holds your hand through it. But for now you have a choice to relax or continue with your preparation to release your book.

When you get the transcriptions back immediately send them AND the audio to your ghost writer. Have the ghost writer listen to the audio along with the text to capture “your voice” so the book doesn’t sound like it was written by a completely different person. After all, it IS your material and your followers are going to know the difference in your writing style if it’s too far off.

They’ll have that for the good part of a week. Finally you’ll get it back and you’ll have to read it (really the hardest part). I can’t speed read so when I was writing 2 to 3 books a month I had to come up with a way to ‘cheat’ so I could read all of the details of my book but do it super fast without using too much of my brain-power. More on that technique in another post.

Site down and spend an entire day reading it and making notes on where changes should be or just making the edits yourself (I usually make the edits myself to keep my hands in the creative process). Anything that doesn’t sound liek something you’d say or is just not what you meant you’ll have to clean up.

Step 5: Formatting & Product Shots

Finally, after you’re done you’ll have a blissfully painless word document finished. But it’s not an Ebook yet until it’s packaged like one! At the end of the day, you’re trying to reach as many people as you can with your message. So you’ll have to add the bells and whistles to get their attention. It’s just how we are. We like shiny things!

So send it straight to the Formatter. This will be a relatively simple process. You give them a copy of another ebook that you’d like to model and they’ll match it with style (if they’re good and the example isn’t too complex or expensive to model).

In about 3 days or less you’ll have a shiny new Ebook with your name written on it!

I usually have the Formatter also create a cover and what’s called a “Product Shot.” It’s a picture of what your book might look like if it were an actual book. You’ll need one for your audio book and one for your Ebook. Make sure you note that the book is a PDF (digital) and not a hard copy or people will feel mislead. Here’s a picture of my new book on attracting women from my sales page:

After this, post a page with a quick video explaining your product and why people should buy it and you’re basically ready to go!

This process can take forever if you don’t really buckle down and make it happen. But following my full system (which I’ve outlined fully in a product), you should be able to get one knocked out with very little mental drain about every 2 weeks! That means that you can release a new product to your list every 2 weeks and make a higher profit while serving a higher purpose, as they say.

This is here for you to use and it’s really changed my life completely when I look at creating books for others and for myself. I’ve written dozens of books since I figured this out (less than a year ago) and each one has been very easy and fun!

As you use this system, post your questions or  comments and journal your progress for the rest of us in the comment section so we can see what you’re doing and help you out.

All the best and Happy Writing!

Joshua Pellicer

PS. If you want to see an example of a book that I created with this system, pick up a copy of my book HERE.

PPS. If you learned something from this post, please share this article and Digg it. If you click on the “Comments” link to the bottom right of this sentence you’ll be able to share and comment. Please do!

Did the girl go from smiling to this?

Just as important as knowing what to do in flirting and dating situations is knowing what not to do. You can follow every piece of good advice you get about how to act around women, but if you just add those to your repertoire and don’t weed out things that are dragging you down, you’re not going to see much success.

1. Don’t talk in depth about past relationships
Mentioning your ex is ok if it’s applicable to the conversation but avoid getting into the past relationship conversation at all. Stay present! Do you want to hear about all her past lovers?! Neither does she!

2. Don’t avoid eye contact
Eye contact is the way humans connect. By avoiding eye contact, you are giving up one of the oldest signs of confidence and even dominance. This is primal stuff – evolutionary even. Looking her in the eye when you ask her questions and when she responds shows her that you are confident in yourself, that you’re truly interested in her and that you are a big enough man to engage emotionally.

3. Don’t keep your hands to yourself
While we’re taught that touching other people should only be done in intimate settings, friendly touch is a great way to portray confidence and connect with your prospective date. Keep it nice and platonic; rest assured that if you play it right, you’ll get to the sexual touching later. Shake her hand when you greet her. Touch her on the arm to point something out. Tap her on the shoulder to emphasis a punch line or a compliment.

4. Don’t devalue yourself
If you go into the situation believing she is too good for you, you’ve already lost the game. No matter how much you swagger, she’ll be able to sense that you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence. If you can’t even summon up the confidence and self worth to approach an attractive woman to ask her on a date, you need to be working on your self image, learning to appreciate and value who you are, and take a break from the dating scene.

5. Don’t ignore her body language and reactions
Barreling forward with your carefully planned flirtation strategy might make you feel truly prepared for once, but you’ll fail for one simple reason: attraction is about both you AND her. If you try one technique and it falls flat, don’t just reach into your toolbox and try something else. Note her reaction to your first attempt. What went wrong? Did she pull away? Did she give you a look? Determine whether you came on too strong or didn’t portray enough confidence; if you have offended her or simply not piqued her interest.

So, remember, no matter how many tricks and techniques you learn, if you aren’t present in the moment, observing and connecting with her, you aren’t going to have any luck. Men who have a long history of failed flirtations sometimes grab onto what they believe will be miracle fixes. This list of things to avoid doing will guide you in the right direction, but if you aren’t relaxed and gauging her body language and the way she is reacting to your come-ons, you’re going to go home alone tonight. No woman wants a man who is so caught up in himself and his own plans that he forgets to engage in the moment he is sharing with her.